To get around these problems, you can run the standard VNC server as an X desktop, say display :9, and then use the VNC viewer as the sole X program in your .xinitrc. If you set the VNC server to shared mode, you can connect and disconnect multiple remote control sessions from other desktops. However, beware: VNC isn't particularly secure! For now, I'll leave security as an exercise to the reader.
Here's a handy .xinitrc file that simplifies the process described above. It's tuned for the MicroOptical SV-3, so if it looks lousy, remove the "-pixelformat rgb222" option. Note that you should make sure your vncprogram works by itself first; this will also ensure that you have a password set up.
Also see tips for making your desktop look
better.